Worst of all, though, the shame attached to the memories of those first times marred how I would approach sex for years. I realize I fell into that old gay adage of placing my feelings on a person who, for whatever reason, was never going to invest them back in me. I believe it was just sex, or at least that’s what I have tell myself now to avoid slipping into a memory induced k-hole. I think, when I look back now and occasionally find myself tumbling through his Facebook page, that he wasn’t. I never learned whether the boy I lost my virginity to was struggling with his sexuality. I’m not sure whether I really fell for the guy or not, but I do know that at the end of it he was just using me to get off. And while at the beginning I felt like I had the upper hand in the situation-I was the one who was out and comfortable in my sexuality, right?-after each time we met became more secretive and more dirty, I began to feel secretive, dirty, and most of all shameful. We’d meet surreptitiously in dark and make out in the cold British weather on a park bench before venturing back to his place to have sex. I didn’t tell him that I’d never had sex with someone before instead, saturated with vodka and inflated by nerves, I was swept up in the motions.įor the next year, we’d hook-up on and off, usually at 3 a.m. All I know is that one moment we were talking and the next minute, well. The minutiae of exactly how things developed from us being together in that room to us having slightly unsuccessful sex in a bathroom in a different corridor have since escaped me. He was clearly intoxicated, but it was a party after all and who was I, quite drunk myself, to judge. It was late (or early, depending on your outlook on the world) when I was joined by the boy who was living in the room next to mine, way back on the other side of the building. I can remember, although I'd had some drinks, sitting alone in my friend’s room on a single bed, the mattress overly springy and with a coarse plastic coating, attempting to stream a song over our dorm’s spotty Internet connection.
The whole thing went down near the end of my freshman year at a party, at which people from the whole dorm floor were drunk and celebrating, carelessly streaming in and out of each other’s rooms, following the various different pop songs until one room took their fancy. I was at college, living in dorms, and the experience-aside from the usual horrifying awkwardness and somewhat spontaneity of the occasion-was completely and utterly unremarkable aside from one thing: the guy I slept with identified as straight. Max Rhyser plays a young schoolteacher who comes from a conservative Jewish family and community, but Chaser sees him attend a New York City sex party to escape his restrictive community.I was 19 when I first had full-on sex with another man. Homophobia manifests from many different insecurities, but in Triple Standard, one athlete’s prejudice is a symptom of his own struggle to come to terms with his sexuality. Ben lusts after his bad boy classmate Johnny, but when he’s offered a ride home one night, what seems like a dreaming coming true descends into heartbreak. It’s the age-old high school crush storyline.
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Starring Broadchurch’s Chris Mason, Wonderkid focusses on a gay professional footballer who’s struggling with his sexuality in the high-pressured and masculine world of the Premiership League.
But as is much the case in Tinseltown, he’s living a lie, and upon his return he attempts to rekindle a closeted relationship from his past. I AM SYD STONE (2014)ĭirected by Denis Theriault, this 10-minute visual follows a Hollywood hunk as he returns home. Gay Times have rounded up just five of the best gay short films out there that you can watch online. From tackling the homophobic world of football, to a teacher exploring the sex party scene in New York City, they are touching upon real life emotions that your local Odeon is probably little way off from showing anytime soon.
While mainstream Hollywood continues to catch up when it comes to LGBTQ representation in blockbuster movies, there are plenty of directors out there highlighting issues within the gay community through slick visuals.įor now, some of the most compelling and hard-hitting LGBTQ cinema exists in short films.